IF...

I hadn't miscarried last July

I'd be home right now, not on a weeks' vacation, but on maternity leave.

It sucks.

Totally sucks.

But life goes on ...

Full of challenges

And small victories.

Life in the Fringe

Nels and I had an interesting conversation last night. He asked me if it really was becoming more trendy to make your own non-toxic cleaning products and become more "green" or is it that I talk about these things SO much that he's just accepted that it's trendy. He said he was talking to his cousin the other day about some of the crunchy ideas we've talked about and then he started thinking to himself that maybe he was sounding like a freak. :)

He questioned whether I was becoming a bit fringy, especially when I started talking more about the benefits of humanure and family cloth.  He said that I can maybe keep telling him about these ideas but maybe, just maybe, I better not talk too much about them with other people. Funny.

So I had to ask myself, am I going overboard on some my frugal and green ideas?

Some of the concepts I initially thought were too much for me I'm now warming up to. I just ordered a Diva Cup yesterday as a way to save money on feminine hygiene products. I figured if I use it only when I'm at home it could save me about $70-$80 a year. And if I make my own cloth pads (Yay! Sewing project!) then hey, an even bigger savings plus it would mean even fewer products being sent to the local landfill. So I may try to make them while I'm on vacation this week. We'll see how it goes.

Yesterday I cleaned our kitchen and bathroom with vinegar and baking soda...and unlike the many times I used harsh chemicals, my hands weren't sore and chapped afterwards. And the vinegar smell disappears quickly, not that I mind the smell. It reminds me of coloring Easter eggs with my grandma so who could be bothered by that, right?

We took the big step (for us) of recycling today. Since we don't have recycling pick-up by our garbage hauler (boo!) we have to bring it up to the city hall, which shouldn't be a problem. We should have been recycling for years.

So it's become a period of personal growth for me, to live more simply and green, that I'm excited to explore. We're trying to eat healthier, less processed foods (My daughters now both LOVE quinoa!) and so far it's going so well. We're planning to start planning our garden soon, which is also exciting.

I'm happy that my husband is on board for most of my ideas.

And fringy? I'm not so sure but hey, I'm OK with it.

It's not easy being green - or so I thought.

Never one to stick by my New Year's Resolutions - particularly the weight loss ones I make every year - I have to share my excitement over my latest personal life changes.

Since the start of the new year, my husband and I have started down the path of trying to dramatically decrease our spending. I'm tired of feeling like we're never getting ahead, of paying minimal amounts on my student loan and my credit card (which I haven't used in four years but am still paying off).

I don't feel I have more debt than the average person but debt is still debt. It's been an ongoing nagging issue that I would like to eliminate in my life. And after having no raises for the past few years, including a 7-1/2 percent wage cut last year, and having our health insurance premiums increased from $180 to $460 a month when our daughter was born, I've desperately needed to make some changes in my life so I could feel like I was getting ahead and not drowning.

And as a result of my strict money diet, I've had to find ways to cut costs. I used to eat out nearly every day when I worked - sometimes twice a day since I often work late - but I've cut that down to maybe once a month now and I bring my lunch to work. I use coupons at every opportunity, scour my favorite couponing blogs for the latest good deals and have enjoyed my fill of free cappuccinos from Holiday gas station when I need a treat, as well as my gas coupons.

My husband, a wedding photographer, is a stay-at-home dad and he's also an incredible cook.

He's taken up our challenge and is cooking a lot more, so that means I have delicious homemade lunches I actually look forward to eating.

It's so rewarding when I find deals on the things I use, like an incredible deal I recently got online on diapers. I have 4 boxes (96 diapers in each) of Target brand diapers for Maddy that will last us for months that I got for less than 10 cents per diaper and free shipping. I was able to renew my subscription to Time magazine for two years for only $27.

But perhaps my favorite discovery is that I've learned that being green can save us money. A LOT of money.

There are a lot of people out there who make their own household products and I've become one of them. It's so awesome. I've made my own homemade dishwasher detergent and laundry soap and even yogurt in a crockpot that turned out fabulous! I've been using vinegar, water and baking soda to clean, too. Not only is it better for Maddy, our entire family and the environment, but it's so much cheaper than buying the toxic products I normally buy.

We now have a 5-gallon bucket of homemade laundry soap, which actually makes 10 gallons of soap, that comes out to only a penny per load. Our first batch of our homemade dishwasher detergent has lasted a long time and costs about 65 cents for 100 loads, according to the blog, Frugally Green.

Tonight I was so proud of us as a more frugal family. My teen came home with a friend who is now staying overnight. They wanted pizza for dinner so my husband whipped up a homemade pizza using a pizza crust mix (we stocked up on several of them for 39 cents each a couple weeks ago). The pizza was delicious (according to both teens) and my husband estimated the entire thing cost about $2 to make. They also had lemonade Kool-Aid (ok, not so healthy but at 20 cents a packet, what a bargain!) and later I made them popcorn on the stove, using my favorite popcorn popper I got for Christmas. I'm guessing but maybe it cost about 40 cents to make? I like the more expensive Orville Redenbacher gourmet popcorn.

So for about $3, my daughter and her friend were completely happy and full as they watched their movies tonight. The old me would have gone to the store, bought a couple bags of chips, two or three 2-liter bottles of soda and either bought a $9 frozen pizza OR ordered pizza from a local pizza joint. This is what I normally did when she has friends over, at a cost of about $25-$30.

Incredible.

I am working on more "green" initiatives in our lives. We are trying to reduce the amount of processed foods we eat and eating more whole foods. We're talking about growing our own garden this summer in my flower bed that houses more weeds than actual flowers. I'm also looking into other ways to eliminate toxic chemicals from our lives, as well as reduce the amount of trash we create. This may mean making our own homemade deodorant (I'm very intrigued by this) or using a Diva Cup (I had no idea this even existed!), making my own body wash or nearly eliminating the need for toilet paper by using family cloth (It's a thought, but I'm still on the fence about this one.)

I am also hoping to find other ways to dramatically cut costs by making homemade products and gifts. I have just started sewing and have made adorable bibs for Maddy, as well as bibs and burp cloths to give as gifts. (More on this on a later post).

I'm just so excited about the possibilities. And happiness and contentment are the last things I ever imagined I would find when forced to live on less.

Not so curious about Curious George

Last Saturday I took both my girls - 16 years and 16 months - to the local mall to get their photo taken with Curious George, who was there for a promotional reading event. While Madeline would point excitedly to the large monkey when we were standing in line, her curiousity ended when she got near him. She buried her face in her sister's shoulder. It was a miracle I got a photo of her facing toward the camera.

Crazy girl.

It's shaping up to be a great week

So I was asked this week by my editor if I'd like to become editor of HealthWatch, our quarterly health magazine - and I jumped at the chance.

I'm starting to get pretty excited about it, actually. I don't have much layout experience, but I'm thrilled to get the chance to learn more. I have been writing for HW for years and I do enjoy writing health-related features. Actually, in a former life I think I was a doctor because, thanks to my buddy, Mr. Google and his nurse, Ms. WebMD, I love, love, LOVE diagnosing people and their various ailments.

I've decided to "go green" for my inaugural edition, featuring environmentally-friendly health-related stories. Should be fun.

And today I found out I won a cool children's book from Frantic Mommy. 

Awesome.

Sweet 16

Whenever someone asks me about my daughters, I inevitably get the same response:

"Wow, that is quite the age gap!"

Um, yeah. I realize that.

My girls are 15 years apart. When we've been out and Erika is carrying Madeline, people often think she is her baby. She's usually not too thrilled about this, either. Last fall when we were school shopping, Erika brought Maddy with her into a shoe store while I was paying for something in a nearby shop in the mall. The sales clerk asked Erika if she could help her find shoes for her daughter. Erika quickly informed her that she's her little sister and no, she was shopping for shoes for herself. I can just picture the look of horror on her face. When I walked into the store she quickly handed Maddy off to me so she could find shoes in her size.

On Monday both my girls will be Sweet 16.

Madeline turns 16 months tomorrow and Erika is 16 years. I'm not sure if their ages sort of match up like this again in their lives but to me, it's worth commemorating. I've having my husband take some nice photos of them together. I'll post them here if I can. Sometimes Erika's hard to pin down. She's playing Mrs. Darling in our community theater's production of "Peter Pan," and she's very active in speech, in addition to taking college and online courses at her high school. She's rarely home and when she is, she's doing homework before she goes to bed.

Madeline adores her big sis and always cries when Erika leaves for school or, like tonight, when she's watching a movie with her boyfriend downstairs. Ugh.

A couple friends of mine recently asked me how I deal with the whole dating scene with my teen daughter, since their daughters are preteens now and really, like I told them, I have no good advice on that. I hate it. It drives me crazy knowing that they're making out in my basement.

But she's a high school junior and in 1-1/2 years she'll be away at college. I've got to allow her to date, be with her friends and basically have to trust her. She's a good kid and actually, her boyfriend is a nice guy.

Fortunately  I have plenty of time to worry about Madeline making out with her boyfriend in our basement.

My girls' age difference wasn't planned but I think they may be spaced out perfectly. I had long forgotten how painful childbirth was when I had Maddy, and by the time Maddy's 16 (years, not months), I'll have forgotten how painful these teen years are. Shoot, I'll probably have Alzheimers by then I'll be so old. :-))

It's a win-win, really.

Message from above

So I was at a local, friendly neighborhood grocery store - one of my faves - yesterday to pick up some whole milk and fruit for Madeline on my drive home from work. I walked quickly by the aisles since it was after 7 p.m. and I wanted to get home.


As I was thinking about what other types of food I should get for Maddy I look above and saw this sign:

I found out exactly what our baby needed, right in Aisle 5.

Baby Needs Candy.

So I got some gummy worms. For me. 

'Cause Momma Needs Candy, too.

Fishing with Grandpa

Nels took Maddy down to the Norquist Clan fishhouse - the Taj Mahal of all fishhouses - to see if my dad was catching anything Friday. This fishhouse, which is owned by my husband, his two brothers and their cousin, is huge. It has a stove, Lazy Boy recliner, couch, CD player and speakers, etc.

Maddy had so much fun! She loved holding the fishing pole and got mad when anyway tried to take it away, I guess. Plus, she liked playing with the minnow bucket, swirling the scoop around the bucket. Nels had to take it away when she tried to lick the scoop...so gross.

But my little girlie had lots of fun with her grandpa and daddy and I know she'll be hanging out in the fishhouse with them for many years to come!

No Phone Zone

Madeline, 15 months, chatting on her phone - and driving! What a poor influence her momma is on her!

My teen's cell phone is like another appendage for her and it is the thing I worry about most when she begins driving. I warn her about the dangers of texting or talking on her cell phone when she does get her license, probably later this spring, and yet I'm a big offender myself.

I normally don't text and drive, but I have done it a handful of times, not something I care to admit. Since I have a 30-minute drive to work each way, I have gotten in the habit of being on my phone for most of that time, which is not good. After watching Oprah last week about the dangers of texting and driving, I've decided I need to make a change, if only to show my teenage daughter the importance of staying off your phone while driving. And, oh yeah, so I don't kill anyone or myself because of my distracted driving.

So I am cutting down the amount of time I'm on the phone in the car - to only make necessary and brief calls if I have to. For sure, I will not talk on the phone when I have either of my children in my car. No phone call is worth their lives. I know I should take Oprah's "No Phone Zone" pledge but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet. Cold turkey is probably the way to go but .... I don't know.

I think going phoneless in the car might be a freeing experience, a way to unwind, think things through and to actually enjoy the scenery. I drive by several lakes each day and I actually don't remember if there are a lot of fishhouses out there right now or not.

I'll have to check that out tomorrow.

Passing the bugs

Madeline hasn't been feeling well the last several days - runny nose, fever, etc. - and now, when I thought the worst of it was over, it appears she's given it to me. I have a feeling she caught the bug from her ECFE class last Monday since she started getting symptoms on Wednesday. Plus, she's not around any other kids and Erika's feeling OK. Oh well, the price you pay to socialize and educate your kiddo. :)

I stayed home from work today and have spent the day with a headache, coughing, sore throat, runny nose, fever, etc. I feel terrible. And of course Nels is rubbing it in my face that I have had both the H1N1 and seasonal flu shots and here I get sick. I don't know if it's the flu or not - I like to think it's another annoying virus. Nels is sort of anti-flu shots so this has given him a lot of ammunition. Gah...stubborn men.

But he said he's starting to get a sore throat so I guess he's next at bat for this thing. I'm thankful he's been taking care of Maddy today because I've felt so weak.

Well, I better get back to my coughing.

Oops, I did it again...

I think I have to give up on cutting Maddy's hair...she always ends up looking like a child out of the 1950s! She's going to hate me for it later on, but hey, what can you do? It almost looks like a perfect bowl cut, really...This was her second haircut.

Here she's eating with a spoon, and doing a good job!  She's been sort of obessed with spoons. She has a  play tea set from Christmas that has spoons with it and today she was trying to feed our dog, Daisy, tea with a spoon. It was pretty cute until Daisy got annoyed and walked away.

Maddy has her second ECFE class Monday and two of her cousins, Lila and Ruby, are in it! Lila just joined this week. I'm sure they'll have a great time! Maddy had a fever the last couple of days and I wasn't sure if I should bring her to ECFE (where she probably got sick in the first place), but there's no sign of a fever today and she's running around like a wild woman.

So, game on.

Madeline is saying so many words now. She loves to brush her "teeth" and she says "kitty" "momma" and "dada," among others. When we read her "Chicka Chicka ABC" book she's recognizing which letters are the "A," "B" and "C."

It's so fun to watch her learn and develop into the little girl she's destined to be.

Maddy is 15 months old

Here is our Madeline.

She may look sweet - and she is! But she's also very sneaky and mischievous.

She loves to help out in the kitchen.

She's a fabulous cook - just ask her!

She's a free spirit - definitely not a germaphobe!

She loves a good challenge.

And when the odds seems stacked against her...

She always comes out on top.

My Faves

Here is where you'll find some of my favorite links!

About ME

Bear with me as I try to figure this whole linky thing out! :-))

A few of my favorite things

Madeline (14 months) is joined by her cousins Maya and Madison (6 months)

The Christmas holiday has (sadly) come and gone, and now I'm sitting here, on a Sunday, dreading the return to my work week. Although, thankfully, I do have Friday off and three days next week. Nels will be exploring New York City with one of his good friends and a fellow photographer and then heading to Connecticut for a wedding photography conference.

I decided to take some time off, mainly because my PTO has joyfully been repopulated on my timecard (Happy New Year!) and I thought I'd spend some non-holiday-related time with my baby. Erika will be in school but I thought Madeline and I could do some fun things...like host a tea party, which is what we did yesterday with her, not one but THREE new tea sets she got for Christmas. Funny. She loves them all and is pretty funny to watch as she sips her tea.

I had more than 25 relatives over on Christmas Day, including five kiddos under the age of 5. Everything went very smooth and they're already starting to harass me about hosting it next year. Geesh! Not even giving me some time to forget about all the blood, stress and tears I went through to get ready for the big day.

Here are a few of my favorite things that happened during the holidays:

• Pregnancies! No, I'm not prego, but I found out on Christmas Eve a very good friend of mine is, after trying for more than a decade to get pregnant. So, so happy for her and her husband. They broke the news to their families on Christmas Eve and Christmas so I'm dying to hear the details! Also, my cousin Shannon had an ultrasound last week and had the technician write down the gender of her baby due May 1. They then opened the envelope on Christmas Eve, surrounded by family, and learned they were having another boy! Such exciting news!
• It was so fun to see how well Erika watched over and played with her little cousins and sister. It was also fun to watch her open up her new laptop we got her for Christmas. I don't think the laptop has been idle since Christmas Eve.
• We just enjoyed popcorn from my Whirley Pop popcorn maker. I love stovetop popcorn but Nels didn't like that I got the pot so filthy from making it. Problem solved. He got me this stovetop popcorn maker and it's fabulous. That thing is going to get a lot of use.
• Last but not least, I got to meet my twin nieces, Maya and Madison! They're six months old and came home from New York for the first time. So fun! Madeline was so sweet with her twin cousins but a bit wary, too, when they would start giggling at her antics. Those girls are going to have lots of fun as they grow up together.
• I felt blessed to be surrounded by family and good friends.

Hope your holidays went as well. Here's to a healthy and happy 2010!

Perspective

I always tell people that Christmas is my favorite holiday but really, I don't know why I think that way. The Fourth of July is much less stressful. Warmer, too.

Between trying to finish all the stories I have to write and getting enough work hours in before 2:30 p.m. Thursday, when I have to make it to the church service with my in-laws, and planning to host 21 adults and 12 children for Christmas at my house, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Oh yeah, and the shopping. That totally sucks. I'm terrible at buying gifts. I'm working long days and then coming home and, like tonight, cleaning the bathrooms at 10 p.m.

I didn't see my 14-month-old at all today. Sigh.

Today I took a long break from work, and life, in general, and attended my friend Cindy's funeral. To my surprise, my 16-year-old wanted to go too, so I picked her up at school.

The streets were lined with cars but I found a semi-illegal place to park. As we were walking in, I ran into my favorite eye doctor, a genuinely nice man who is battling terminal brain cancer. We ended up sitting next to him and his family in the packed church.

It really put many things in perspective for me. As much as I'm dreading the holiday gatherings, and a few of my relatives, at least I'm relatively healthy. None of my family members are ill or dying, as far as I know, and I'm fortunate to be able to spend the holiday with my loving husband and two beautiful girls.

After the funeral, which was quite emotional for all of us, my daughter sought out Cindy's son, Danny, and gave him a hug. It was a thoughtful guesture and made me very proud of her.

I have a lot to be thankful for this Christmas. Here are two of those reasons:

Heaven gained one more angel

There are people in this world that you never expect to lose. You see them at the grocery store and stop and chat. Or on church on Sunday.

Cindy Ringstrom is one of those people. Sadly, she died unexpectantly because of an infection related to antibiotic use, on Friday. She was only 52.

Cindy's 16-year-old son, Danny, is friends with my daughter and she taught Sunday school for them for many years, following the class up each grade as they got older. When I started teaching the 3-year-old class, she taught the 4/5-year-old class and our little kiddos would often have music and activities together.  She also helped with Erika's confirmation class, serving as a mentor. She was so nice, so considerate and such an asset to our church - and community in general. If a volunteer was needed, Cindy was always there. I have many wonderful memories of chatting with Cindy while our little students worked on a craft or practiced for their programs.

I spent much of the weekend in tears, thinking of her, of how her family lost her just before Christmas. She loved her two little grandsons, who attend our church, too, and was excited about her new grandbaby due in March.

It's still such a shock. I can't believe she's gone. I just saw her last week helping with the children's Christmas program. And now her funeral is planned at the same church on Tuesday.

Life is far too short.

God bless the Ringstrom family as they struggle through this difficult time...and her many, many friends, whom I know are having a hard time accepting that Cindy is gone. Like me.

Houston, we have a walker!

Madeline, now 13 months, is officially a walker! And nothing, not the cat, dog or our cabinets, are safe anymore.

It's funny how the simple act of walking is an incredible milestone. She's now trying to open doors, climbing on top of the coffee table (and falling off, too!) and trying to grab forbidden items off the counter.

Life in our home has become a game of strategy. Before I put her down to roam, I have to make sure the doors are shut, the dog is in the baby play gate (to protect her from Maddy), the dog water and food bowls are on the counter (she's dumped water on herself a half dozen times and been caught eating dog food) and ... the list goes on.

Exhausting.

But with this freedom has come some fun rewards, too. She brings me and her daddy books to read to her, letting out an exuberant scream as she puts her arms up for us to put us on her lap. Her favorite books are "Piggies," "The Monster At The End Of The Book (was one of my fave's too!), "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!" (one of Erika's favorites) and "Llama, Llama Red Pajama."

Maddy has the funniest belly laughs and she loves to dance to music. Elmo is her absolute favorite. She plays with her talking Elmo doll and loves to watch "Sesame Street." My parents and I both DVR it so she can get her Elmo fix.

I'm getting excited for Maddy's second Christmas but we're a bit concerned about getting a tree this year. Knowing my little girl, she'll be trying to figure out a way to climb it - with help from the cat.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween! Madeline wasn't loving her wig, but she certainly looked adorable at my work children's Halloween party Friday.
We may go out and trick or treat at a few friends' and families' houses but really, since Maddy doesn't eat candy it's more of a pain this year than it's worth.

Maddy seemed a bit overwhelmed at my work Halloween party and got completely freaked out when her three cousins, Jack, Luke and Reed, showed up dressed in ghoulish costumes. I tried to snap their photo together and nope, didn't work out.

I wish Madeline had many cousins living next to her like I did. I always had so much fun trick or treating with them each year. The best part was going to my grandparents' house and finding out how grandpa was going to scare trick or treaters that year. He always dressed kinda scary and would sit like a statue in his yard or on his deck, waiting til the kids got closer for a better look. Scared me every time, even if I knew it was Grandpa Les sitting in that chair.

Miss you, grandpa! Wish you were here to enjoy the holiday!

Writing 101

A friend and I have decided to find ways to encourage ourselves to start writing again in hopes of beginning those novels we keep telling ourselves we're going to write. We found a Web site that provides short topics for writing prompts and decided to pick one daily.

I thought I'd share what I wrote for our first assignment.

Describe the easiest decision you've ever made.

I wasn’t sure where I was going, what I was going to do, or even if I was going to make anything of myself.

The one thing I knew for sure was that the test was positive. I was 21, single, living alone thousands of miles from home and pregnant.

It was the hardest phone call I ever had to make, calling my mom and telling her I was pregnant. I cringe now, just thinking about how badly I sucked at it.

Sure, I had a few options, but it was the easiest decision I’ve made in my life. I was about to embark on a difficult path, leading to God knows where, a trailer in some backwater Minnesota town like Jenkins, I imagined. I had to leave my slightly remarkable life in the big city, working behind-the-scenes in television and going to school at a nearby private college to an unremarkable return to my parent’s basement with a baby in my belly and a 90-minute one-way commute to the nearest state university.

But it worked out. The baby is now a beautiful high school junior who towers over me, gets straight As and drives me insanely crazy most days.

And I couldn’t have planned it any better.