A few of my favorite things

Madeline (14 months) is joined by her cousins Maya and Madison (6 months)

The Christmas holiday has (sadly) come and gone, and now I'm sitting here, on a Sunday, dreading the return to my work week. Although, thankfully, I do have Friday off and three days next week. Nels will be exploring New York City with one of his good friends and a fellow photographer and then heading to Connecticut for a wedding photography conference.

I decided to take some time off, mainly because my PTO has joyfully been repopulated on my timecard (Happy New Year!) and I thought I'd spend some non-holiday-related time with my baby. Erika will be in school but I thought Madeline and I could do some fun things...like host a tea party, which is what we did yesterday with her, not one but THREE new tea sets she got for Christmas. Funny. She loves them all and is pretty funny to watch as she sips her tea.

I had more than 25 relatives over on Christmas Day, including five kiddos under the age of 5. Everything went very smooth and they're already starting to harass me about hosting it next year. Geesh! Not even giving me some time to forget about all the blood, stress and tears I went through to get ready for the big day.

Here are a few of my favorite things that happened during the holidays:

• Pregnancies! No, I'm not prego, but I found out on Christmas Eve a very good friend of mine is, after trying for more than a decade to get pregnant. So, so happy for her and her husband. They broke the news to their families on Christmas Eve and Christmas so I'm dying to hear the details! Also, my cousin Shannon had an ultrasound last week and had the technician write down the gender of her baby due May 1. They then opened the envelope on Christmas Eve, surrounded by family, and learned they were having another boy! Such exciting news!
• It was so fun to see how well Erika watched over and played with her little cousins and sister. It was also fun to watch her open up her new laptop we got her for Christmas. I don't think the laptop has been idle since Christmas Eve.
• We just enjoyed popcorn from my Whirley Pop popcorn maker. I love stovetop popcorn but Nels didn't like that I got the pot so filthy from making it. Problem solved. He got me this stovetop popcorn maker and it's fabulous. That thing is going to get a lot of use.
• Last but not least, I got to meet my twin nieces, Maya and Madison! They're six months old and came home from New York for the first time. So fun! Madeline was so sweet with her twin cousins but a bit wary, too, when they would start giggling at her antics. Those girls are going to have lots of fun as they grow up together.
• I felt blessed to be surrounded by family and good friends.

Hope your holidays went as well. Here's to a healthy and happy 2010!

Perspective

I always tell people that Christmas is my favorite holiday but really, I don't know why I think that way. The Fourth of July is much less stressful. Warmer, too.

Between trying to finish all the stories I have to write and getting enough work hours in before 2:30 p.m. Thursday, when I have to make it to the church service with my in-laws, and planning to host 21 adults and 12 children for Christmas at my house, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Oh yeah, and the shopping. That totally sucks. I'm terrible at buying gifts. I'm working long days and then coming home and, like tonight, cleaning the bathrooms at 10 p.m.

I didn't see my 14-month-old at all today. Sigh.

Today I took a long break from work, and life, in general, and attended my friend Cindy's funeral. To my surprise, my 16-year-old wanted to go too, so I picked her up at school.

The streets were lined with cars but I found a semi-illegal place to park. As we were walking in, I ran into my favorite eye doctor, a genuinely nice man who is battling terminal brain cancer. We ended up sitting next to him and his family in the packed church.

It really put many things in perspective for me. As much as I'm dreading the holiday gatherings, and a few of my relatives, at least I'm relatively healthy. None of my family members are ill or dying, as far as I know, and I'm fortunate to be able to spend the holiday with my loving husband and two beautiful girls.

After the funeral, which was quite emotional for all of us, my daughter sought out Cindy's son, Danny, and gave him a hug. It was a thoughtful guesture and made me very proud of her.

I have a lot to be thankful for this Christmas. Here are two of those reasons:

Heaven gained one more angel

There are people in this world that you never expect to lose. You see them at the grocery store and stop and chat. Or on church on Sunday.

Cindy Ringstrom is one of those people. Sadly, she died unexpectantly because of an infection related to antibiotic use, on Friday. She was only 52.

Cindy's 16-year-old son, Danny, is friends with my daughter and she taught Sunday school for them for many years, following the class up each grade as they got older. When I started teaching the 3-year-old class, she taught the 4/5-year-old class and our little kiddos would often have music and activities together.  She also helped with Erika's confirmation class, serving as a mentor. She was so nice, so considerate and such an asset to our church - and community in general. If a volunteer was needed, Cindy was always there. I have many wonderful memories of chatting with Cindy while our little students worked on a craft or practiced for their programs.

I spent much of the weekend in tears, thinking of her, of how her family lost her just before Christmas. She loved her two little grandsons, who attend our church, too, and was excited about her new grandbaby due in March.

It's still such a shock. I can't believe she's gone. I just saw her last week helping with the children's Christmas program. And now her funeral is planned at the same church on Tuesday.

Life is far too short.

God bless the Ringstrom family as they struggle through this difficult time...and her many, many friends, whom I know are having a hard time accepting that Cindy is gone. Like me.

Houston, we have a walker!

Madeline, now 13 months, is officially a walker! And nothing, not the cat, dog or our cabinets, are safe anymore.

It's funny how the simple act of walking is an incredible milestone. She's now trying to open doors, climbing on top of the coffee table (and falling off, too!) and trying to grab forbidden items off the counter.

Life in our home has become a game of strategy. Before I put her down to roam, I have to make sure the doors are shut, the dog is in the baby play gate (to protect her from Maddy), the dog water and food bowls are on the counter (she's dumped water on herself a half dozen times and been caught eating dog food) and ... the list goes on.

Exhausting.

But with this freedom has come some fun rewards, too. She brings me and her daddy books to read to her, letting out an exuberant scream as she puts her arms up for us to put us on her lap. Her favorite books are "Piggies," "The Monster At The End Of The Book (was one of my fave's too!), "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!" (one of Erika's favorites) and "Llama, Llama Red Pajama."

Maddy has the funniest belly laughs and she loves to dance to music. Elmo is her absolute favorite. She plays with her talking Elmo doll and loves to watch "Sesame Street." My parents and I both DVR it so she can get her Elmo fix.

I'm getting excited for Maddy's second Christmas but we're a bit concerned about getting a tree this year. Knowing my little girl, she'll be trying to figure out a way to climb it - with help from the cat.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween! Madeline wasn't loving her wig, but she certainly looked adorable at my work children's Halloween party Friday.
We may go out and trick or treat at a few friends' and families' houses but really, since Maddy doesn't eat candy it's more of a pain this year than it's worth.

Maddy seemed a bit overwhelmed at my work Halloween party and got completely freaked out when her three cousins, Jack, Luke and Reed, showed up dressed in ghoulish costumes. I tried to snap their photo together and nope, didn't work out.

I wish Madeline had many cousins living next to her like I did. I always had so much fun trick or treating with them each year. The best part was going to my grandparents' house and finding out how grandpa was going to scare trick or treaters that year. He always dressed kinda scary and would sit like a statue in his yard or on his deck, waiting til the kids got closer for a better look. Scared me every time, even if I knew it was Grandpa Les sitting in that chair.

Miss you, grandpa! Wish you were here to enjoy the holiday!

Writing 101

A friend and I have decided to find ways to encourage ourselves to start writing again in hopes of beginning those novels we keep telling ourselves we're going to write. We found a Web site that provides short topics for writing prompts and decided to pick one daily.

I thought I'd share what I wrote for our first assignment.

Describe the easiest decision you've ever made.

I wasn’t sure where I was going, what I was going to do, or even if I was going to make anything of myself.

The one thing I knew for sure was that the test was positive. I was 21, single, living alone thousands of miles from home and pregnant.

It was the hardest phone call I ever had to make, calling my mom and telling her I was pregnant. I cringe now, just thinking about how badly I sucked at it.

Sure, I had a few options, but it was the easiest decision I’ve made in my life. I was about to embark on a difficult path, leading to God knows where, a trailer in some backwater Minnesota town like Jenkins, I imagined. I had to leave my slightly remarkable life in the big city, working behind-the-scenes in television and going to school at a nearby private college to an unremarkable return to my parent’s basement with a baby in my belly and a 90-minute one-way commute to the nearest state university.

But it worked out. The baby is now a beautiful high school junior who towers over me, gets straight As and drives me insanely crazy most days.

And I couldn’t have planned it any better.

Happy 1st Birthday, Madeline!

It's official!

Our baby is no longer a baby! She's a toddler. Madeline turned one on Thursday and we had a family party on Saturday.

She grew bored with opening up her gifts and, naturally, wanted to play with the boxes instead. We were letting her play with the Little People Animal Sounds Farm box until Sunday when she took a header off the box, landing onto the wood floors.

Meanwhile, we weren't sure last week if Maddy was going to have a party since her big sis came down with a suspected case of the H1N1 virus. Thankfully, she got the flu earlier in the week so she was better for Maddy's party. I also was grateful that the rest of us didn't catch it either since nothing clears a birthday party faster than saying you've got the swine flu. One of my twin nephews wasn't there because he was sick but I guess he was diagnosed with strep throat.

At 3:23 p.m. Oct. 15, I was at my mother-in-law's house. It's hard to believe that it was at this precise time we first laid eyes on our precious Madeline.

It's been hard not to dwell on how I would be about 4-5 months pregnant right now with Maddy and Erika's little brother or sister if I hadn't had a miscarriage in July.

But I do take comfort in the fact that our girls are happy, healthy and love each other.

Terrible twos, ready or not, here we come!

On a lighter note...

Here's a recent photo of Madeline, 10 months old, swinging at a local park. She is so full of life. It's a joy to pick her up out of her crib every morning because she's always so excited to see me. She has three teeth now, which she used to clench down and leave a small blood blister on my finger a couple of days ago when I was trying to figure out if she was getting her fourth tooth yet.

Erika turned 16 today. She's visiting her dad and his family in Las Vegas this week (Sept. 1) but we're going to celebrate her birthday next weekend with a marathon shopping session.

We have had a couple other losses in the past couple of months, in addition to our pregnancy loss. My cat, Sam, died in early August at the age of 17. He was the soul of our home and he's missed by all, although we knew it was for the best because he had gotten very weak. I had gotten him from a cameraman I knew in Nashville when I worked at a television show there. Sam was just a kitten, living underneath his neighbor's steps.

Also, our goldfish died, which had more lives than most cats. It had a deformed short fin and would often float upside down to save its strength. You'd think it was about to die when suddenly it would start swimming again. This went on for several years. It was nice, I must admit, to finally take the aquarium apart, clean and store it. It had been in our living room for many years, taking up valuable real estate.

I'm so excited to sign Madeline up for an Early Childhood Family Education class this fall. Even my baby is going to school this fall, which is fun. :) And Erika starts back to school on Tuesday. In addition to several college courses she's taking in high school, she has a child development class she's excited about. I have a feeling she might be taking Maddy as a class guest. I'm sure Madeline will love it.

Rainbows, butterflies and other sad tales

I found out I was pregnant June 30. The bleeding started the next day.

And I've spent the past two months going through weekly blood draws, a few depressing ultrasounds showing no signs of new life, two-for-one shots of Methotrexate, a cancer drug that required me to stop breastfeeding Madeline immediately — and a constant yearning for the lil' munchkin that won't be born in the spring.

We weren't trying to get pregnant but apparently the estrogen-only pills I was taking weren't quite that effective for me. We were both pretty stunned, thinking that we'd have babies about 17 months apart. But it was exciting, too.

And since I seem to be quite the efficient breeder, I never gave it a second thought that this pregnancy would be any different than my previous two. I went online that night and ordered a pink onesie for Madeline which read on the front "I've got a secret..." And on the back continued ... "I'm going to be a big sister!" It was how we were going to share the good news with our families.

I spent the Fourth of July weekend wondering if I was still pregnant or not. But that Monday my HcG levels dropped, confirming I was having a miscarriage. It was the same day I got that damn onesie for Maddy in the mail.

About three weeks later I took a pregnancy test, just to see if my HcG levels were back to normal and the test revealed I was pregnant. A blood test detected even higher HcG levels, possibly indicating a new pregnancy.

After another flurry of blood draws and two ultrasounds and more bleeding, my doctor felt I was either having a continuation of the miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. There was no sign of a gestational sac or baby in my uterus or tubes so it was highly recommended I get the methotrexate shot, which eliminates any leftover fetal material so I wouldn't find myself with a burst fallopian tube and subsequent emergency surgery. It was an agonizing decision, since I was hoping there was a viable pregnancy in there — anywhere! — but there wasn't.

It was sad for me to be forced to quit nursing Madeline, too. While I was only nursing her mornings and nights at this point, I had hoped to nurse her until she was 1. She was 9 months. Fortunately, she didn't seem bothered by the abrupt end of her breastmilk supply.

Now, two months later, I'm still dealing with the bleeding involved with my pregnancy loss and hopefully that'll end soon. My HcG levels are nearly down to zero.

It's amazing how quickly it took me to become pregnant and how painstakingly long it's taken me to become unpregnant. While I may have only been pregnant for a short time, it's hard not to think about the pregnancy experience and newborn baby that we'll be missing out on. The baby would have been due in March. Around the same time as the Duggar family's 19th baby.

On the miscarriage/pregnancy loss message boards I now frequent they refer to a baby conceived after a miscarriage as a rainbow baby. Hopefully, we'll be able to someday conceive our rainbow baby. My husband isn't ready to make that decision now, however.

In the meantime, I'm thinking about buying a butterfly necklace as a remembrance for the little one who fluttered away, way too soon. Many other cultures, including the Greeks, Celts and early Christians, believed that butterflies were new souls seeking new life, that they represent the undying circle of life and death. The Celts believed that women became pregnant by swallowing tiny butterfly souls.

I saw a Monarch butterfly as I was walking into work the other day and thought of this.

Perhaps, just maybe. He/she will flutter in again and stay this time.

For good.

Stinkin' Swine Flu

Just had to share how Madeline is all ready for the swine flu, thanks to my dad, who paints houses and had some 3m masks on hand.

My Easter lily

Our little girl is growing up so fast. She turns 6 months next week. She spends two days a week at her grandma and grandpa's house and my mom recently bought her a few new spring/summer outfits and then had a little photo session, which is where these photos came from.

Madeline loves to squeal and she and my dad like to have a squeal-off. It's pretty funny. She squeals, he copies her, etc. She still looks so much like her daddy but I'm starting to see a lot of myself in her too, including her big sis.

I bought matching personalized Easter baskets for Maddy and Erika and they finally arrived in the mail yesterday. I was starting to get a little worried. So I'm heading to Target after work tonight and getting some things for their baskets from the Easter bunny. No candy for Maddy this year and since there is no way I can put breastmilk in a plastic egg, she'll be getting a few little toys. Erika will get an iTunes gift card and some other little treats.

Madeline still gets up in the middle of the night to nurse but she usually falls back to sleep right away. She loves to eat food, especially bananas, sweet potatoes and rice cereal. She usually grunts and makes "Mmmmm" sounds when she eats. So cute. Nels calls her high chair her "eatin' chair." They have developed quite a routine on the three days he spends caring for her while I'm at work. She spends time in her exersaucer, then when she gets bored she's on her jungle playmat, then her jumperoo, then her swing and maybe then a nap, etc.

Madeline has gotten really good at flipping over from her back to her stomach but often gets mad when she's stuck on her tummy too long. She does know how to flip back over, but doesn't seem to have the double flip quite yet. Then we have to flip her back over like those beached whales who need help getting back into the sea. Then she flips back over on her tummy and the process repeats itself. Silly girl.

Erika qualified for sections in speech this year but unfortunately didn't make it to state. But she performed her speech last night for my parents, my uncle and his family at a pre-Easter celebration at my parent's house and everyone was moved by her performance. She performed an exerpt from Jodi Picoult's book, "Nineteen Minutes," about a school shooting. She's quite the little actress. She has a bit part in an upcoming high school production of Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice."

We'll be spending Easter at my aunt's house on Sunday and my mother-in-law is coming along too. I can't wait for Madeline to be big enough to hunt for eggs but that won't be til next year. She'll just have to sit back and watch her cousins do it this year.

Hope you and your family have a wonderful Easter. :)

Maddy's big girl bed

Two nights ago Nels talked me into letting Madeline sleep in her own bedroom, rather than in the bassinet in our room. I was devastated. I didn't want our baby so far away from us in the middle of the night. It's so nice to be able to roll over and slip her pacifier back into her mouth or put her blanket back on her.

We do have a video/audio baby monitor so I was able to check in on her and see her sleeping soundly in her bed. It was reassuring. I can even hear her breathing on the monitor.

The first night of our big sleep experiment, Madeline slept from 11:30 a.m. to 5 a.m. I got up and nursed her then she immediately fell back to sleep until 8 a.m. It was fabulous.

Then last night Madeline went to bed around 11 a.m. and slept until 6:30 a.m. It was practically a miracle. On Christmas night she had slept about 6 hours but that had been the longest time in her nearly four months.

Madeline has her next doctor's appointment on Monday and I'm excited to find out her height and weight. She's wearing 6/9 month clothes now and they fit perfectly.

Our baby girl is growing up.

For Grandma and Grandpa

My parents have spent the last three weeks in New York, helping my brother and sister-in-law remodel and move into their new home. I've e-mailed several photos, but here's a video I took tonight of Miss Madeline (3-1/2 mos) since I know they've missed her a lot. (Erika would be in there, too, but she's been on her cell phone downstairs all night. Sigh....)

They won't be home for a few more days, but here's a sneak peek on how much Maddy has changed since you've been gone. :)

Time has flown by

It's been nearly a month since I returned from maternity leave and I have yet to post anything on this blog. Geesh.

We've all settled into new routines since Miss Madeline joined us about 3-1/2 months ago. Now I'm back at work and Nels is a full-time stay-at-home dad. Erika is super busy with school, her social life and her extra-curricular activities. She's active in speech - and got a red ribbon at her first meet last Saturday - and she's the stage manager for the high school One-Act Play, in addition to getting straight A's and having a boyfriend...yep, you read that correctly. She's been dating Dylan (as opposed to her ex-boyfriend, Dillon) for about a week, which is how long her relationship with the other Dillon lasted the week before this one.

Nels is settling into his days spent caring for Madeline and it hasn't been easy for him to juggle his wedding photography business and a newborn. Thank God we have an awesome baby swing she loves. He puts her in the swing and he can get at least a little bit of time to work. Plus, my mom plans to help out more often once she and my dad get back from visiting my brother and sister-in-law in New York. Nels has got quite a few winter weddings to keep him busy and has been booking a lot of summer weddings as well lately.

Madeline is a charmer, a very happy baby who smiles all the time. She is so happy in the morning that it's hard not to smile back at her as she grins up at you from her bassinet. Her hair still sticks up in back — what my dad refers to as her orangutan hair — and she's starting to drool a bit, a sign that she might be teething soon.

Maddy and I went to the Twin Cities last weekend to hang out with my friends from high school, who all gather once a year for our annual Christmas party. It was so fun and Madeline, of course, enjoyed the attention. On Sunday we visited Madeline's aunt Patti and uncle Mark, and had fun chatting with them. Madeline even got to try out their baby swing, which is ready and waiting for their first baby to be born in April - Madeline's cousin!

Work is going well for me. Some days it is hard to leave a smiling Madeline behind but then, it's always a happy time when I can come home and grab her out of Nels' arms.

Life has become more busy with a baby and a teenager AND a full-time job, but we are blessed.

Maddy is 10 weeks old!

You'd think since I'm home on maternity leave that I'd have time to update this blog quite frequently but apparently that's not the case. While Nels has been out either fishing on North Long or spearing on Pig Lake, the girls and I have been mostly watching Christmas movies on TV. All our presents are wrapped and under the tree - a personal first for me. I'm usually still shopping on Christmas Eve.

It's been nice to be home but I've got to face reality - my time is up. I go back to work next Monday. I'll be sad to leave Madeline, but I know Nels and my mom will take good care of her while I'm gone. I am looking forward to some aspects of work, like my lunch dates with DeLynn and Heidi every day.


But I still have a week left and it's the best week of the year. Nels and I are going to attempt to make lefse today for the first time and we'll probably make krumkake tomorrow, something we make every year, our way of paying homage during the holidays to our Norwegian heritage. Plus, they're so dang good. I'm taking Erika and a friend to Brainerd Tuesday so they can be Salvation Army bell-ringers and on Wednesday - Madeline's 10-week birthday - we'll be going to church with Nels' mom and his family before we head over to his brother's house to celebrate Christmas Eve.


On Christmas, my parents, brother and sister-in-law will be coming over and we'll hang out and open presents and then make our way over the river and through the woods to my grandma's house where we'll celebrate with the rest of my extended family.

What a wonderful end to my maternity leave - celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ with our own baby girl.

By request, I've uploaded another video of our smiley Maddy. She's such a happy baby. Here she's hanging out with her big sis, Erika.

Merry Christmas!

Maddy is 4 weeks old!

It won't make a top 10 You Tube video list or anything, but here is Madeline's online debut on the eve of her 4-week birthday. Warning: My voice gets a little annoying. It was my attempt at using the video camera that Nels got me for my birthday this year.

It's hard to believe that little Miss M is already one month old. Time has gone by fast, even in my sleep-deprived haze. Last night she gave me the rare treat of sleeping from midnight until 5 a.m. I hope it's the start of longer snoozes to come - for us both.

Maddy has her one month doctor's visit on Monday so I'm anxious to find out how much she's gained. She seems much longer now and she has filled out a bit, although she's still wearing newborn-size clothes.

While daddy went deer hunting with his cousins and brothers last weekend, Maddy, Erika, her friend Carissa, and I went shopping in St. Cloud. It was a fun, but short outing for us all. And my trip to the "Once Upon A Child" store proved informative. I was checking out clothes for Maddy when a woman came in to try to sell her bassinet, which was the exact same one as Maddy's been sleeping in that I had bought at a garage sale this summer. Well, I discovered while eavesdropping that the bassinet was recalled in August. Yikes. Two babies had been strangled to death in it, I later learned after I Googled it at home. So the next day my mom, Erika, Maddy and I went to Target and bought a new and safe bassinet, although it's actually a more useful travel light pack-n-play. The evil death bed is going to the dump.

Poor Madster. Mommy tries to save a few bucks and Maddy's life is threatened in the process. I also bought Maddy a sweet baby swing that she absolutely loves.

Well, this blog entry is being cut short since Maddy, who was laying next to me on her Boppy, filled her diaper with the mustard-colored poopies we've become well-acquainted with.

I'll spare you a video of that.

Maddy's first Halloween

Today was my official due date but fortunately Maddy arrived 16 days early so she could wear her Halloween costume I got at a garage sale this summer.

While Maddy didn't go trick-or-treating this year, her 15-year-old sister did. Erika and her friends Kat and Maria dressed up and headed out around 5:30 p.m.

Maria has lived in New Zealand for the past 10 years and just moved here in March so she was very excited to go out trick-or-treating since in New Zealand, Halloween isn't a big deal. She was so cute. She even made and decorated pumpkin-shaped cookies for all of us. Nels, Maddy and I just planned to stay home and hand out candy to the few trick-or-treaters who come to our door.

Happy Halloween, from our spooky family to yours.

Little Miss Madeline

She's here!

Madeline LaVonne was born at 3:23 p.m. Weds., Oct. 15, 2008, weighing in at 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and was 21 inches long.


It's been an exhaustive first week of maternity leave, between visitors and lack of sleep, but exhilarating since we finally have our lil' bundle of joy home with us. It's been a long nine month wait and I'm not that patient.

While my actual labor with her was unusually quick, the days leading up to her birth were very uncomfortable and I was frustrated because I didn't know whether I was actually in labor or not. I had terrible back pain starting at 5 a.m. Monday, Oct. 13th...but decided to go to an interview I had at 10 a.m. I didn't want to cancel everything in case it was a false alarm...then I went to the doctor afterwards and the doctor on duty said I was dilated to 3 cm. I had been dilated to 2 cm the following Thursday. They hooked me up to a fetal monitor and said I had plenty of "uterine irritability," but not strong contractions. However, she said I'd likely be having this baby within the next few days.

So with my cranky uterus, I went back to work and wrote my dang story, thinking that I had better do it now, otherwise it wouldn't get written for months. My irritable uterus was downright annoying, and I went home early from work, skipping a school board meeting that night.

I took Tuesday off and it wasn't until around 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, during a new episode of "House," that the back pain disappeared...and that's when I started to feel contractions every six to 10 minutes. Nels and I both took showers at 10 p.m., called family and told them we may be going to the hospital and then.... NOTHING... The pains went away and Nels and I just went to bed.

I had a doctor's appt. the next morning at 10:15 a.m. and decided to go alone, figuring Nels and my dad needed to finish the construction project they were working on. They are remodeling Erika's old bedroom across from Maddy's room into Nels' office and they were laying the wood flooring...or so they thought.

Instead, my doctor said I was dilated to 4+ cm and that we could do one of two things..he could strip my membranes and I'd go into labor later that night in a more natural way or he could just admit me and break my water and have the baby earlier. I decided to go with the first option since it seemed like a more natural process would be the way to go. But once he started doing it, he said I was actually at 5 cm and I needed to be admitted and have my water broken anyway. He told me I had time to maybe drive home and get my bag but since I had my bag in the car he had me go get it and come back to admit myself.

So I called Nels in the elevator on the way down, telling him to hurry, and then stopped by and saw my aunt Shari who works on the first floor to tell her the news. At this point the contractions were getting stronger ... and the walk to my car - at the end of the parking lot - took forever. I also called my friend and coworker, Heidi, so my coworkers would know that I was not coming back to work. The walk with my huge bag back to the hospital was slow, getting painful but still manageable, I guess.

I think it was just before 12:30 p.m. when my water was broken and Nels got there shortly afterwards. The contractions became more intense around 1 p.m. I was dilated to 6 cm before I got into the jacuzzi tub and within 20 minutes was dilated to 8 cm. That's when I started crying out for "Drugs! I need drugs!" And I got a dose of an analgesic that seemed to make me more groggy than anything. I got a second dose a half-hour later.

Soon after, I started pushing and with four pushes, baby Maddy had entered this world. Nels wasn't sure if I actually remembered that I was having a baby - since I was consumed by the pain and the seemingly unending rounds of intense contractions - and I think I had sort of forgotten about that. Nels was an incredible labor support person, as I knew he would be. He was in my face, just inches away, helping me breathe when I just wanted to panic and hyperventilate.

When they placed the baby on my stomach, it was a major shock. The baby didn't look much like me, or so I thought, and that took me by surprise. I didn't know what I had expected but for some reason I was a bit bewildered. Maybe I was thinking she'd be like another little Erika, 15 years later. I'm not sure.

I had pushed so fast that I had torn pretty badly so it took the doctor some time to sew me up while my mom, Nels' mom and Erika waited impatiently in the waiting room to see little Madeline. They had to wait an hour since Maddy had to get checked out, she had to nurse for the first time, etc.

But some time that day, I'm sure it was rather quickly, we all fell in love with her. Not just the idea of her joining our family, but with her, this new little person who is just too beautiful for words. It's in the way she grimaces, yawns and even sneezes. The chicken pecking she does on my chest when she's rooting around for her next meal (It cracks Erika up!) We also have gotten consumed with whether she went poopie or not. Erika often asks when she comes home from school.

So Maddy has become the center of our lives, especially mine. It's been 15 years since I had a little baby so I have a hard time putting her down. She has no concept yet of what it's like to sleep in her crib or pack-n-play during the day since we're always holding her. She's starting to sleep at least for 2-3 1/2 hours at a time at night but I'm still exhausted.

Nels and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary on Weds., Oct. 22nd. We did absolutely nothing to actually celebrate - we didn't even get each other a card - but we had the best anniversary gift either of us could have ever asked for - and it was more than enough to simply just stare at her for hours.

Sooner, rather than later...

I had the first of my weekly doctor's appointments yesterday and everything is going well.

I'm dilated to 2 cm and 50 percent effaced so things are progressing ... but like my doctor said, it could mean I go into labor today or three weeks from today ... He said I most likely won't go late, which would be fabulous because I'm not sure if I can even take three more weeks of waddling around with all the aches and pains I've been experiencing lately. I have aches in places I didn't realize I had muscles! OK, TMI...

But anyway, baby Madeline has to get her soon because she has an awesome pumpkin costume and cute little newborn caps and bibs she has to wear on Halloween, her due date, along with a great "future president" onesie she will be wearing on Nov. 4, Election Day.

The baby's room is bulging with stuff, thanks to the three baby showers and lots of garage sales I went to this summer. Nels and I bought a car seat on Monday after our childbirth class and our video baby monitor should be coming in the mail soon.

We are all set on everything — there's just one thing missing.

The baby.

Happy October!!!

What a great feeling to wake up today, knowing that the baby will be here within this month! (Or at least I hope so!)

We have four weeks to go, and I start my weekly OB appointments next week. Yesterday I think her bottom was firmly planted underneath my right ribs all day - It was difficult to breathe and it felt like my lung was folded over. Very uncomfortable. By last night I was ready to have a C-section if my doctor would have gone for it, but the discomfort went away by this morning, although it still feels like her feet are in there nearby, moving around.

I got a call last night from my 9-year-old nephew. He was sad because his hamster had just died. His hamster was a sibling of our hamster, which were born to his twin brother's hamster - if that makes any sense. Anyway, his hamster had this nasty tumor growing on its side so we knew that death was inevitable and we'd told my SIL and BIL that when his hamster dies, we'd gladly give them back ours since Erika doesn't seem to care at all about the little guy. He's more my buddy than hers since I'm the one who ends up feeding him and cleaning his cage.

So he called last night and asked if he could adopt back the hamster - and Nels was positively giddy. The hamster had been living in Erika's former bedroom, which is going to be remodeled into Nels' office, across from the baby's room. He refused to have the hamster living in there with him while he worked so I wasn't sure where I was going to put the little guy once the room was finished. (We'd tried keeping him out in the living room but one morning our cat knocked his cage off the counter, smashing the cage and nearly eating the hamster. Thank goodness I was home or our hamster would have been cat food! Our cat was perched about a foot or two away from the hamster, who has sitting on top of the crumbled cage, ready to attack, when I found them.)

So today my sister-in-law stopped by my office and took him. So sad to say goodbye since I have gotten attached to the little critter but I know my nephews are going to have fun with him....and he'll have much more fun at their house than being totally neglected and in danger of being eaten alive in our house.

I promise, we'll take much better care of the baby! :)